It's been a while, and I have a lot to write about, but here is my first entry in over a year.

It may not be funny, but it's something that is important to me, forgive me if its scattered, it's been a while.

If I may talk personal wellness for a bit:

I just got off the phone with a dear friend of mine who is currently in the process of battling his addiction  to alcohol (and winning) . While our lives are different, we're still the same in terms of wanting something better. We realized we had a problem, and are going though the processes of fixing it. I'm very proud of him for taking those steps to a healthier life, it's not an easy thing to admit when you have a dependency, and its a very humbling experience to feel weak, especially in terms of a mental capacity.

I experienced a very rude awakening, in January of 2013. I was on the tail end of my downward spiral that had begun nearly a year earlier, and my addiction to alcohol was to blame as it caused problems, that caused problems, that caused even more problems. I could not control myself,  honestly I could not control anything at that point.

Ironically, I went to school to become a social worker,  I've sat through countless classes about Addictions Treatment, I knew all the signs and even considered at one point becoming a counselor. A little hypocritical in hindsight.

Because of my drinking, I had hurt others, myself, and suffered the losses of friendships along with damaging others, I hurt my family and lost my freedom. I was in a position that I never thought I would be in, and it took that to make me realize that I needed to make a change.

The change didn't happen overnight though, and nearly every person I met from that  point on, whether they knew it or not,  helped to contribute to my sobriety.  I saw and met a lot of addicts and people who I never wanted to be like, but could see a lot of who I was at that point, in.

Even where I was, the temptation to drink still existed, and it was easily attainable, along with other substances that would have given me an even better buzz than some booze. It was a struggle everyday to not drown out my problems with substances, or tip a bottle back just to get though the day.

I realized that it was a fresh start, and I needed to take advantage of it, because for all I knew, this would be my one and only chance to do so.

A lot of things happened from January to June, but I'll save those for another day....

Fast forward to June, 6 months later, and I'm back around my friends in the city where I developed my issue with drinking, and around a lot of the same people I'd drink with.  I had to make it known that I wouldn't be drinking anymore, and as good friends would be, they were supportive of my decision.

I am thankful for them.

Those that were not supportive, and wanted me to continue drinking, asking the "whys" and the "one won't hurt yous", I needed to unfortunately remove from my life.

Regardless of how strong of a person you think you are, you cannot face addiction on your own, you need a support system, and for any of you reading this that know someone who was, or is in my situation, do your best to be supportive of their sobriety, because to you it may not be a big deal, but to them, the addict, its one of the hardest things they will ever do.

I also made the realization that being in that environment wasn't the best thing for me either, so I was lucky that I had the option to move and came to a place that really give the fresh start thing, legs.

I'm writing this about 2 weeks shy of being 9 months sober. There are rough days and there are easy days, but I'm comfortable at this point where I can be around people drinking, and even sit in a bar with friends while they enjoy a few drinks, plus with me being there, they have a Designated Driver should they need one. Also, seeing them completely shitfaced is a reminder of , "Now why did I used to do this?". Kind of an attempt at self-medication.

Before I became sober, my addiction to alcohol also came with depression and weight gain, I was 231lbs, the heaviest I had ever been, and at my height, it was not a healthy weight, I had even at one point been told by doctors to stop drinking because I had developed very high blood pressure and high liver enzymes, they thought I was on the brink of developing cirrhosis, I of course didn't listen, there's that feeling of being indestructible rearing its ugly head.
I was constantly in physical pain, didn't recognize myself, and was unhappy with who I was and how I looked.

I was put in a situation, or I could say put myself in a situation that caused me to be away from everyone for about 6 months, and I looked at it as an opportunity to make the best out of a bad situation.

I had a chance to get healthy, I took every opportunity I had to eat better, exercise, attend AA and talk to people who were going through the same thing as myself. After the first initial months of that, I started to feel better, I had less back pain, my sides no longer hurt, and my depression, while still there, didn't feel as severe. I started to think a little clearer and of course, realized I didn't need alcohol to function or handle my problems. I was also able to drop nearly 40lbs thanks to keeping up with my diet and exercise.

I liked how I felt, I was used to feeling 3 times my age when I was in my late 20s,  now after these 8 months, I feel the same way I did when  I was  in my early 20s, and I just turned 31, That is all thanks to keeping with my sobriety, exercising and eating healthy. I still have health goals I want to accomplish, and I won't stop until I'm where I want to be.

So I guess the moral of this story is this. If you know someone who is having an issue with addiction, just know that they really can't begin to rehabilitate until they are ready to make the change themselves, sometimes it takes a severe situation to make them open their eyes, and sometimes if you or they are lucky, they'll listen to reason, but the best thing you can do is be supportive without enabling them. Its a slippery slope, but know that there are people who can help you, help them.

Well I guess there's two morals, and that is to take care of yourself, treat your body well, and remember that a healthy body more often than not, equals a healthy mind. I know, it's all very cliche, but it's the truth.

Finally, I'm sharing this because if anyone decides to read this, and can take something from it, and use it positively, then I am happy. A friend told me once that her dad told her "I fought in the military so you didn't have to", and I guess I can relate that  to this situation, in that I've made enough mistakes in my life that hopefully it can be used as a precautionary tale for someone else, and with that, I can hope they don't make the same mistakes that I did.

So if anyone, stranger or friend comes across this and needs to talk, let me know, I'll be there for you in the best capacity I can. I may not know you, but I understand the struggle.

I owe so much to my friends and family, they stood by me when I could not have made it alone. I'm forever in their debt. Thank you guys so much, and thanks for reading.

F.C.