It's been a while, and I have a lot to write about, but here is my first entry in over a year.

It may not be funny, but it's something that is important to me, forgive me if its scattered, it's been a while.

If I may talk personal wellness for a bit:

I just got off the phone with a dear friend of mine who is currently in the process of battling his addiction  to alcohol (and winning) . While our lives are different, we're still the same in terms of wanting something better. We realized we had a problem, and are going though the processes of fixing it. I'm very proud of him for taking those steps to a healthier life, it's not an easy thing to admit when you have a dependency, and its a very humbling experience to feel weak, especially in terms of a mental capacity.

I experienced a very rude awakening, in January of 2013. I was on the tail end of my downward spiral that had begun nearly a year earlier, and my addiction to alcohol was to blame as it caused problems, that caused problems, that caused even more problems. I could not control myself,  honestly I could not control anything at that point.

Ironically, I went to school to become a social worker,  I've sat through countless classes about Addictions Treatment, I knew all the signs and even considered at one point becoming a counselor. A little hypocritical in hindsight.

Because of my drinking, I had hurt others, myself, and suffered the losses of friendships along with damaging others, I hurt my family and lost my freedom. I was in a position that I never thought I would be in, and it took that to make me realize that I needed to make a change.

The change didn't happen overnight though, and nearly every person I met from that  point on, whether they knew it or not,  helped to contribute to my sobriety.  I saw and met a lot of addicts and people who I never wanted to be like, but could see a lot of who I was at that point, in.

Even where I was, the temptation to drink still existed, and it was easily attainable, along with other substances that would have given me an even better buzz than some booze. It was a struggle everyday to not drown out my problems with substances, or tip a bottle back just to get though the day.

I realized that it was a fresh start, and I needed to take advantage of it, because for all I knew, this would be my one and only chance to do so.

A lot of things happened from January to June, but I'll save those for another day....

Fast forward to June, 6 months later, and I'm back around my friends in the city where I developed my issue with drinking, and around a lot of the same people I'd drink with.  I had to make it known that I wouldn't be drinking anymore, and as good friends would be, they were supportive of my decision.

I am thankful for them.

Those that were not supportive, and wanted me to continue drinking, asking the "whys" and the "one won't hurt yous", I needed to unfortunately remove from my life.

Regardless of how strong of a person you think you are, you cannot face addiction on your own, you need a support system, and for any of you reading this that know someone who was, or is in my situation, do your best to be supportive of their sobriety, because to you it may not be a big deal, but to them, the addict, its one of the hardest things they will ever do.

I also made the realization that being in that environment wasn't the best thing for me either, so I was lucky that I had the option to move and came to a place that really give the fresh start thing, legs.

I'm writing this about 2 weeks shy of being 9 months sober. There are rough days and there are easy days, but I'm comfortable at this point where I can be around people drinking, and even sit in a bar with friends while they enjoy a few drinks, plus with me being there, they have a Designated Driver should they need one. Also, seeing them completely shitfaced is a reminder of , "Now why did I used to do this?". Kind of an attempt at self-medication.

Before I became sober, my addiction to alcohol also came with depression and weight gain, I was 231lbs, the heaviest I had ever been, and at my height, it was not a healthy weight, I had even at one point been told by doctors to stop drinking because I had developed very high blood pressure and high liver enzymes, they thought I was on the brink of developing cirrhosis, I of course didn't listen, there's that feeling of being indestructible rearing its ugly head.
I was constantly in physical pain, didn't recognize myself, and was unhappy with who I was and how I looked.

I was put in a situation, or I could say put myself in a situation that caused me to be away from everyone for about 6 months, and I looked at it as an opportunity to make the best out of a bad situation.

I had a chance to get healthy, I took every opportunity I had to eat better, exercise, attend AA and talk to people who were going through the same thing as myself. After the first initial months of that, I started to feel better, I had less back pain, my sides no longer hurt, and my depression, while still there, didn't feel as severe. I started to think a little clearer and of course, realized I didn't need alcohol to function or handle my problems. I was also able to drop nearly 40lbs thanks to keeping up with my diet and exercise.

I liked how I felt, I was used to feeling 3 times my age when I was in my late 20s,  now after these 8 months, I feel the same way I did when  I was  in my early 20s, and I just turned 31, That is all thanks to keeping with my sobriety, exercising and eating healthy. I still have health goals I want to accomplish, and I won't stop until I'm where I want to be.

So I guess the moral of this story is this. If you know someone who is having an issue with addiction, just know that they really can't begin to rehabilitate until they are ready to make the change themselves, sometimes it takes a severe situation to make them open their eyes, and sometimes if you or they are lucky, they'll listen to reason, but the best thing you can do is be supportive without enabling them. Its a slippery slope, but know that there are people who can help you, help them.

Well I guess there's two morals, and that is to take care of yourself, treat your body well, and remember that a healthy body more often than not, equals a healthy mind. I know, it's all very cliche, but it's the truth.

Finally, I'm sharing this because if anyone decides to read this, and can take something from it, and use it positively, then I am happy. A friend told me once that her dad told her "I fought in the military so you didn't have to", and I guess I can relate that  to this situation, in that I've made enough mistakes in my life that hopefully it can be used as a precautionary tale for someone else, and with that, I can hope they don't make the same mistakes that I did.

So if anyone, stranger or friend comes across this and needs to talk, let me know, I'll be there for you in the best capacity I can. I may not know you, but I understand the struggle.

I owe so much to my friends and family, they stood by me when I could not have made it alone. I'm forever in their debt. Thank you guys so much, and thanks for reading.

F.C.

Have You Seen: Haywire

Hello Readers, this is my comprehensive review and synopsis of Haywire, an action film directed by Steven Sodebergh, staring former MMA Hot Chick Gina Carano (me gusta), Channing Tatum who constantly reminds me of a slow adult,  Antonio "Desperado"  Banderas, and Ewan McGregor. He was Obi Wan Kenobi and that's pretty fucking awesome, he's also Caranos ex-boyfran in the flick.

The film starts off in a diner with Caranos character Mallory, and Tatums character Aaron talking about stuff,  they're partners in their Black Ops business. They're talking and he's all like "Get in the car" and shes all like "No" then in an epic LOL moment he throws coffee in her face and breaks the mug over her head, before trying to shoot her.

Then she kicks his ass and breaks his arm.

In that order.

Carano then hijacks a car with the owner of the car, and makes him clean her wound from the fight. She starts for some reason telling the guy everything about the last week of her life and stuff about her being a black ops agent.

The movie then goes into a flash back and the story starts to unfold.

There's a lot of double crossing, something to do with an Asian journalist and Michael Douglas shows up, he's like the head of the CIA or something.


Carano beats up some cops in England that are after because she killed some other agent guy that was trying to set her up, then other stuff happened, she gets away from the cops by stealing a hoodie from an open car and starts limping like shes drunk, and that's her disguise.

A green hoodie and a limp.

Then shes back in the United States.


Some where around that part of the movie, we find out that Carano was a Marine.

We could have used a WM like her in the Stumps, Jar-head frans, am I right?

Moving On.

There's a brief car chase scene where Carano is trying to avoid the police and shes driving down a snowy dirt road in a Lancer with they guy that shes telling the story to. Just as they're about to get away, a fucking deer comes out of no where and goes through the rear window of the car and they lose control.

I about shit my pants from laughing so hard.

Bill Paxon is in the movie too, and hes got a creepy pedo mustache and is Caranos dad, who helps her out.

Well she goes to her dads place in New Mexico and Obi Wan, Slow Adult and some other guys are there to rough up her dad and get info on her whereabouts, well they find out shes in the house in a classic "THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE." moment.

Obi Wan shoots Slow Adult, I cant remember for what, I think he realized that they were setting up Carano, and Slow Adult  was like "NO SHES MY FRAN" or some stupid crap, even though he tried to kill her in the beginning of the movie. Stick to your convictions Slow Adult. Obi caps Slow Adult in the gut.  Carano kicks the other guys ass, then Obi Wan runs off.

I forgot to mention that Obi Wan has a pretty cool haircut in the movie too.

Carano comes back to Slow Adult and he says hes sorry for trying to kill her. Then he dies in her arms.

Its all very moving.

Carano then meets with Michael Douglas, who by the way, might I add, is looking pretty healthy considering he is nearing a melinia of existence. So Wall-street tells Carano that Obi  Wan is on some beach in Europe.

Carano finds Obi Wan and they fight on the beach, she's got cornrows.

Obi starts running off again and gets his leg stuck in rocks on the beach, Carano tells him that the tide is coming in and all of a sudden Obi starts spilling guts and tells her where Desperado is, who was in on setting her up. She leaves Obi there to die, and return his spirit to The Force.

Carano finds Desperado on vacation in Majorca, she still has cornrows.

The film ends with a presumed confrontation between Desperado and Carano in his beach house and hes all like "Shit".

Then credits roll.

Seriously, thats how it ends.

Its a very contrived movie and they made it more complicated than it needed to be. You reading this without having seen the film is easier to understand. 

On a Steven Soderbergh movie scale, I'd say its way better than The Girlfriend Experience but much Worse than Oceans 11.

Put them back on Gina, I'm not in the mood.

-F.C.